This memorial service was a true labour of love, with the planning starting in late March and the final fruition of all our loving hard work happening on June 15, 2013... it was a touching, hauntingly beautiful and poignant service, with roughly 180 people in attendance. Overseas guests included my Uncle Neill and Auntie Pat from Scotland, as well as childhood friend, Cynthia Durham and work colleague, Henry Castner from USA. There were 4 tributes about Joan/Mummy given by Uncle Neill (her brother), Carolyn Farrell (longtime artist friend), Joan Hughes (longtime Scottish-Canadian friend) and a beautiful tribute by Rev. Wayne Hilliker. The Order of Service and the words spoken by Rev. Hilliker's text are written below... A Service of Thanksgiving for Joan Margaret McGrath Saturday June 15, 2013 at 2pm Chalmers United Church, Kingston, Ontario, Canada Celebrant: The Rev. Dr. C. Wayne Hilliker (Minister Emeritus) (The following are the words spoken by Wayne at the service) Scripture sentences: "We gather this afternoon in this House of Worship where it is believed and where it is proclaimed, that when we do so, we do so in the name of the God who has created us, and sustains us, who waits to empower us, and who bestows upon each one of us the wondrous gift of a steadfast unearned love that nothing can take away or destroy, not even death, however great that mystery may be. So let us begin this service by listening to these biblical affirmations and promises contained in the Judaic/Christian story: When the prophet Micah fixed his attention on the ultimate purpose of our living he found himself posing the question: ‘With what shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before God on high?’ And the answer comes back, ‘God has told you , O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.’ Out of such a conviction the prophet Job was able to declare: ‘As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last will stand upon the earth. After my awaking God will raise me up: and in my body I shall see God. I myself shall see, and my eyes shall behold the one who is my friend and not a stranger.’ And so it is on this day that we are invited to find comfort in the ancient wisdom of Solomon who was inspired to make this daring promise: ‘The souls of the righteous are in the hand of God and no torment will ever touch them. In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died and their departure was thought to be a disaster and their going from us to be their destruction, …but they are at peace.’ Belonging then to such a long, long line of trusting people, it is no wonder that Jesus, as a Jewish teacher, was moved to say to those who grieve the loss of a loved one ‘let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid’. Welcome: As a former minister here at Chalmers, it is a privilege for me to have been invited to be the celebrant for this service in the absence of the newly called minister of Chalmers, the Rev. Drew Strickland. It is also a pleasure to have the Chalmers Organist and Director of Music David Melhorn Boe, along with the Chalmers choir, offering their ministry of Music. Outdoors, as you entered church today you will have heard piper Kevin Goligher. In addition, he will be playing when you follow the family into MacCallum Hall for the reception. This time of conversation and refreshment provides opportunity for you to share with Gerald and his family, some of your own recollections of Joan. The truth is that no matter what our background, no matter what our beliefs or questions or doubts, it is good to come together like we are doing at this moment, to remember this woman, Joan McGrath. For a human life is sacred: —sacred in its being born, —sacred in its living, —and also sacred in its dying. Thus, we bring to this service, in the midst of our grieving, the recognition that we have been blessed in some way, by our interactions with her. Observed the Lebonese poet Kahlil Gibran: ‘When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight.’ Joan made many friends in many different contexts. Some have travelled long distances to be here today. We, who are here, thus represent varied aspects of Joan’s interests and involvements. I know that Gerald and his 3 children, Euan, Kyla and Ilana and their families would want me on their behalf, to express their deep appreciation for your supportive presence this afternoon. The family have chosen the hymns for today’s service. Fittingly, we begin with the stirring words of ‘Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah’, sung to the powerful Welsh tune CWM RHONDDA. This hymn is found at #651 in the VOICES UNITED HYMNBOOK. We sing it now. Prayer of Faith O God of love and laughter, tears and sadness, help us in these private and public moments of reflection to recognize you as the giver of life itself. We come knowing that as a body of people, we are diverse in our opinions and beliefs, and carry within us so many unanswerable questions. Yet, still we gather, knowing we are one in our shared loss of this woman whom we have come to know in so many different ways. Mold therefore our longings and passions, our grieving and our wonderings, into a more holy and human shape. As we listen now to words read, spoken, sung or shared, give to us a willingness to risk trusting that such words between us, can become a Word beyond us, and in so doing become mysteriously, a word from you. May it be so. Amen. Tribute #1 INTRODUCTION: All of us have our own personal memories of Joan, and they become our private tributes. But it is always a special moment when friends or relatives are willing to share publically some of their recollections. Today, 3 have agreed to do so. We listen first to Joan’s brother Neill who has come all the way from Scotland. (see next posting on this website for Uncle Neill's text) Much loved is the hymn we now sing-- Hymn #266 Amazing Grace Tribute #2 INTRODUCTION: Joan’s good friend, the Rev. Joan Hughes now shares some of her memories. (Joan speaks and ends with Psalm 23) Sung to Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, we now turn to Hymn #232 ‘Joyful, Joyful we adore you, God of glory, life and love.’ Tribute #3 INTRODUCTION Art was so much an integral part of Joan’s life that it is appropriate that the 3rd tribute be offered by her artist friend Carolyn Farrell-Burman (see posting on this webiste for Carolyn's full text) Comments before scripture: Whenever we confront the mystery of the death of someone we have cared about, we hunger for some kind of living word that allows us to move into tomorrow with an empowering courage, and an abiding sense of hope. It is to such a task that we now turn. Scripture readings: Psalm 139 (selected verses) 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13 Comments before the anthem: Such a centering love was at the heart of Gerald’s 54 years of marriage to Joan. In 1976 on Joan and Gerald’s wedding anniversary, their 3 children, Euan, Kyla and Ilana, all received a letter in a plain white envelope, with the precise handwriting of their father and containing words, probably written mostly by Joan, but from both of them. Here is a part of that letter: ‘….we wish for you the most precious gift, and one which will never fail you, no matter what apparent disasters befall. This wish for you has grown out of distilled knowledge which has come to us from our experience of Life and Love that surrounds us all as we live our lives within the hand of God…. This is our wish for you: “The gift of the Eyes to See, with the Perception of the Soul”…It is a gift precious beyond all material possessions. It will open your eyes to Beauty in Nature and hidden Beauty in People. See with the eyes of the soul, and nothing that the world can ever do to you will break you…. This is our wish for you as you stand on the Threshold of Life. It comes with love undying and our deepest hope is that it will be with you when we cannot….’ When you stop to think about it, such a wish was really a kind of blessing on Joan and Geralds’ children. And now, another blessing, ‘a Gaelic Blessing’, is offered to all of us in song. Choir sings ‘A Gaelic Blessing’ by John Rutter Deep peace of the running wave to you. Deep peace of the flowing air to you. Deep peace of the quiet earth to you. Deep peace of the shining stars to you. Deep peace of the gentle night to you. Moon and stars pour their healing light on you. Deep peace of Christ, of Christ the light of the world to you. Deep peace of Christ to you. Personal Recollection and Affirmation May such a peace, which is beyond our human understanding, be ours this day. In 1961, while a student here at Queen’s University, I attended an inauguration recital, here at Chalmers, for what was then our newly installed Casavant Pipe organ. (The pipes are hidden now behind that acoustic screen.) Giving the recital was none other than the world famous organist E. Power Biggs. When he died some years later, a friend said this about Power Biggs at his funeral: ‘Everyone must leave something behind when they die’, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made, or a garden planted. It doesn’t matter what you do’ he said, ‘so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away. The difference between a person who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching’ he said. ‘The lawnmaker might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.’ Joan Margaret McGrath was, in the broadest sense of the word, a gardener with a special touch. Over the past few weeks I have had the privilege of listening to family members share their recollections of Joan and the impact she had on them. In a sense, they were sharing with me how she touched them in ways that gifted them with something of herself. When I read the extensive personal reflections by some in her family, the adjectives they used were quite revealing to me. In fact, they seemed to jump out at me. I want to read a list of them. They aren’t said in any kind of priority. But I’m sure your own personal experiences with Joan will connect with some of these words. Here they are: Deep, philosophical, celestial, soaring… Writer, accomplished poet, dream catcher… Delightful, grammatician, lover of words and language… Whimsical, vibrant, charismatic… Marching to her own drummer… Legendary, playful, flirtatious… Embracer of life, inspiring… A master of time… Proud Scot, Scottish dancer… Multi-media artist, holder of strong opinions, thoughts and beliefs, artistic… Creative, imaginative, adventurer, joyful… Vibrant, vital, eternally optimistic… Community builder, sparkling personality… Well-prepared, enthusiastic, exciting, unrestrained in her artistic experimentation… Happy, full of life, well-lived… Outstanding athlete, encourager… World traveller with innate curiosity… Painter, Open to mystery… Groovy, regal, intelligent, talented, caring… Eccentric… Warm, bubbly… Wonderfully wacky… (don’t you love that!) Sculptor, tireless, passionate, energetic… Able, administrator… Herself a sparkling river… Loving mother and grandmother, devoted wife… And finally, the adjective that, for me, best describes Joan, FLAMBOYANT! I suspect that a lot of people only knew and really defined Joan in terms of being a prime mover of and organizer of Creativity and Fanfayr. It is my hope these descriptive words that I have shared, will serve to broaden our appreciation of Joan. For behind each one of them there lies unspoken ways in which her touch made a difference to others and to her world. Quite an irony isn’t it, when we find ourselves knowing a person far better after they have died than when they were alive. And yet, at the same time, what still stands out for me in the end, is the realization that, in spite of all our attempts to describe anyone who is now gone from our sight, we never fully know that person. We never grasp completely, what makes another individual tick: …What causes a person to take this road and not to go down another? …Why is it that one person is able to remain upbeat and happy throughout his or her life but another individual remains trapped in a state of sadness? …Why is it that some individuals can move through sickness or loss with courage while others fall by the wayside? …Why is it that some retain a passion for the possible while others never seem to see any light at the end of their tunnel? In other words, always there remains, a cloud of unknowing, of light and shadow, surrounding every individual. Some might say that is the part that only God knows. One thing is clear--the human personae is filled with mystery. But there is another mystery worth pondering and that is the mystery of faith itself. How is it possible that some of us are willing to gather together when a loved one has died, …and still sing when we do not feel like singing, …or still pray when we do not feel like praying, …or still celebrate when we do not feel like celebrating? Where is the source of our energy and the ground of our determination to do so? I would hazard a guess that many of us are here today not only to be supportively present for Gerald and his family. And we do want to be that way. But in addition, I think many of us come to a service such as this, because deep, deep down we believe….or half believe,…or wish we could believe--that there is something more to Joan’s life and our own life, than a fleeting surface meaning that is terminated by death. Deep down we want to believe that there is a Creator who created us and that this God is a forgiving God. We want to believe that there is more mercy in God than sin in us. We want to believe in the God who never abandons us, not even when our life on this planet, comes to an end. Now, I admit that it takes some daring to make that kind of leap of trust. Thus, right here and right now, we are being invited to define this present moment not by our feelings, but by our trust. For it is only a radical trust which allows us to stare death straight in the face and not be frightened. Those who study the scriptures tell us that the most common phrase in the bible, that which is said more often than any other phrase or sentence is—‘do not fear, do not be afraid, don’t be frightened, take no thought for the morrow, don’t be anxious. Novelist Frederick Buechner expresses it this way: ‘I know no more know than I ever did about the far side of death as the letting go of all. But I’m beginning to know that I do not need to know. And that I do not need to be afraid of not knowing. God knows. That’s all that matters.’ Shortly before the Space Shuttle ‘Challenger’ exploded, all the crew were aware of what was about to happen. It has been reported that in the unofficial communication from Houston Control with the crew of the ‘Challenger’, the last words spoken on the spacecraft were those of one of the astronauts who said, ‘Give me your hand’. The biblical hope grows out of a trust in the mystery of a divine promise that God will never let us go, not even when we die. As the ancient psalmist declared—‘even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me fast’. Joan McGrath knew her time in this world was coming to an end. But she believed and trusted that it wasn’t the ultimate end. She said so in her poem ‘The River’ that she wrote: "I am a River" My symbol is a river, always changing yet always the same. Sometimes deep and mysterious, slow flowing and profound. At other times sparkling, swift flowing, chuckling and chortling over stones in the brilliant sunlight. Carefree and happy. Inevitably moving to the engulfing sea To the end which is not the end – simply a change of dimension and format. A different kind of Being which continues the essence of existence till the end of Time…" Joan’s conviction of "inevitably moving to the engulfing sea" resonates with another image penned by the American author, professor, and Presbyterian minister, Henry van Dyke: I’m standing upon the sea shore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is the object of strength and beauty, and I stand and watch her until at length she is only a ribbon of white cloud just where the sea and sky meet with each other. Then someone at my side say, ‘There, she’s gone.’ Gone where? Gone from my sight that’s all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as when she left my side, and just as able to bear her cargo of living freight to her place of destiny. Her diminished size is in me, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says ‘There, she’s gone.’, there are voices ready to take up the glad shout ‘There, there she comes.”’ Today, let us dare to whisper another name, Joan Margaret McGrath, for whom death cannot conquer. Thanks be to God. Amen and amen. Prayer of Thanksgiving Gracious and loving God, We come this day, thankful for all the blessings of life itself. We thank you for those who share our lives; …for families and loved ones; …for care-partners and companions …for friends, colleagues and neighbours. But especially today, we thank you for Joan McGrath. We praise you for the gift of her life, For all in her that was generous and kind; For the love she gave and the love she received. We are grateful for the satisfaction she received from the work of her hands, and the imagination of her mind, for her interest in people, her love of family, her awareness of the beauty of nature and the wonder of this terrible yet beautiful world. We pray that nothing in her life will be lost, that all that was important to her will be respected by those who follow, and that everything she valued will continue to mean much to us, now that she has died. We pray that she may live on in the hearts and minds of her family and friends…that those who were close to her may now, because of her death, be even closer to one another. Indeed, O God, support us all the day long of this troublous and joyous life, until the shadows lengthen and the evening comes, and the busy world is hushed, and the fever of life is over, and our work is done. Then, in your mercy, grant us a safe lodging, a holy rest, and peace at the last; through Jesus Christ our Lord. And now as children turn to a mother who watches over them, we turn to you O God, joining in the prayer which Jesus taught his followers by saying together, OUR FATHER…… Lord’s Prayer Closing Hymn #586 ‘We Shall Go Out with Hope of Resurrection’ Words of committal, commissioning and benediction. As we have sung so we say again, that this is not the end, that our God is the God of the living, the same God who breathed life into lifeless dust at the beginning of time and thus has the power to create new life even from lifeless remains. It is undergirded by such a confident trust that we now commend to almighty God our sister Joan Margaret McGrath and we commit her remains to the elements, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. We do this in sure and certain trust in God’s mercy and therefore, we release her now into God’s sure keeping. May God’s face shine upon her and be gracious unto her. May God look upon her with kindness and give her peace, both now and forevermore. Now we can go in peace but let us do so remembering that life is short and we do not have too much time to gladden the hearts and the minds of those who travel the way with us. So be swift to love and make haste to be kind and just. May the blessing of God: Creator, Christ and ever present Spirit, be with us all, this day and forevermore. Amen and amen. (Before departing the sanctuary to go to the Reception, all were invited to be seated at this point, so they could listen to David Melhorn-Boe play on the piano, ‘Waltz in A minor’ by Frederic Chopin) ********